I’ve been on the sad side lately, listening to too much Tom Waits and other melancholy music that feeds the mood. I attribute it to a combination of things:
- My last blog, Damn Dementia, took a lot out of me. Honesty is exhausting. I was astounded by how many of my friends have been impacted by the disease. The conversation was both wonderful and horrible and more than a bit overwhelming.
- A photo in my feed today from my last visit with my late, great cousin Jill. It’s been seven years, yet it still hit me like a brick. Some people should have more time.
- The death of a long time lawyer friend who was living her retirement dreams in Austin, Texas, the live music capital of the world. Some people should have more time.
I know I need to snap out of it and move forward. I know that I will. I’m fortunate my blue phases don’t hit frequently and when they do, I find ways to move through. But it’s not always quick or painless.
My antidote is usually beauty. Seeing reminders of the beauty in this world helps me to reframe my brain. How can I be melancholy when something beautiful is right around the corner?
As I type, my neighbor’s kids are playing outside. They’re 8 and 6, screeching in that high-pitched happiness of youth and dancing with unfettered joy.
When I was a kid, adulting looked so damn easy. They didn’t warn me about the many challenges I’d hit along the way. Or about the reality of adulting.
But tonight, I’m going to try dancing with unfettered joy.